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Myimperfectlife.com

ARE YOU STUCK IN A “DELUSIONSHIP”? HERE’S WHEN THE INNOCENT PHENOMENON CAN TURN TOXIC, ACCORDING TO DATING COACHES


We hate to break the news, but you’ve been in a “delusionship” at some point throughout your romantic journey—we all have.


Whether it’s pining over an old flame or endlessly admiring a nearby stranger on the train, it’s easy to build up a connection in our minds that doesn’t necessarily exist. Yes, there’s a hopeless romantic in all of us, even if we don’t care to admit it.


“It is very easy for people to romanticize their crush, and it’s a natural thing,” insists dating coach Nelly Sudri. “You start going down this rabbit hole and envisioning what it could be like to be in a relationship, and I think that’s where [delusionships] stem from.”


WHAT IS A ‘DELUSIONSHIP’? Similar to a simple crush, a “delusionship” is building up a relationship with someone we don’t necessarily have a connection with, whether it’s a stranger we’ve interacted with a handful of times or a former partner we’re no longer connected to—not an ex we’re still friends with.

“If it’s someone you’re admiring from afar, then make a move,” suggests matchmaker Julia Bekker. “You just have to go for it. What’s more important to you: having the opportunity, or not having the opportunity? Are you going to choose fear over possibility or possibility over fear?”


We love the feeling of love. The excitement! The anticipation! But what’s so wrong with a delusionship if you’re not harming anyone?


WHEN DO ‘DELUSIONSHIPS’ BECOME PROBLEMATIC? An innocent crush is one thing, but a complete obsession takes things to another level, especially when what we conjure in our minds isn’t close to reality.

“The problem is where you start fixating in your mind, and not acting on it in reality, in a sense you’re not living authentically and you’re not really manifesting it,” Sudri says.

Likewise, Bekker sees red flags when singles don’t get to know someone first or disregard previous bad behavior; how we think someone behaves might not be the case IRL. We have to separate fact from fiction.


“You’re obsessing over an idea, not an actual person or connection and you’re creating something in your mind that doesn’t exist,” Bekker adds. “I’d say that’s toxic because you’re holding onto someone who is not reciprocating and why are you wanting someone who’s not wanting you when you could be spending time with someone who is into you?”


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